They never mentioned

They tell you it will hurt

They never mention the isolation

They never mention the exhaustion 

They never mention the grayness 

They never mention the anger

They never mention the guilt

They never mention the shame

They never mention the tears in the night

They never mention how life seems to slip by and all you can do is stare from your bed

They never mention the fear that what they never mentioned will never go away

They never mentioned this

I'm okay

I'm okay

I'm five or six

Not exactly the picture of grace

Cuts and bruises adorn my elbows and knees

But with every fall 

I stand back up and shout

I'm okay

I'm 12 or 13 

Still not beauty or Grace 

Taunts and snide comments decorate my days at school

But with every questioning look 

I smile and say 

I'm okay

I'm 19 or 20 

I see my beauty 

but the doctor doesn't

Looking at my bones he sees the problem

They will cut 

They will screw m

They will change and rip and tear and strip and change

The body it took twenty years to accept

I'm not okay

Do not go gentle into that good night Dylan Thomas, 1914 - 1953

Do not go gentle into that good night,

Old age should burn and rave at close of day;

Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless, me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Moving forward

I am moving to a strange city and leaving everything I know behind. It will just be me, starting a new chapter in my life. I could've stayed close to home, lived where all my friends are, taken the safe, more comfortable route, and I almost did. But then, how would I ever know what I am truly capable of? How would I be ever to live my life to the fullest? I would rather regret taking a risk than regret being too afraid to try. When I come to die, I don't want to discover that I have not lived. So although I am scared out of my mind, I am also eagerly awaiting the day that I get to suck deep the marrow of life.

You awake?

12:00am: you awake?

12:03am: I am

12:12am: I'm always awake

12:21am: I think it's the darkness

12:22am: it makes me lonely

12:23am: that's why I always text you at night

12:39am: I miss you

12:51am: tell me about your day

12:52am: I wish I was there with you

1:01am: it's been a while since I've really laughed 

1:02am: you always made me laugh 

1:03am: but I guess you're making others laugh

1:04am: that's okay

1:27am: I try not to text you, but my resolve falters at night

1:46am: I'm sorry

1:55am: so sorry

2:04am: I guess I'll talk to you later

2:30am: I still miss you

2:47am: I always miss you

Time

Time, you fickle thing

A minute turned an hour

An hour made a minute

A moment stretched to years

And years gone in a moment

I am trapped in your world

And I don't know your rules

I am at your mercy

And just as the world turns

Just as the seas churn

Just the seasons change

You go forward

Heedless

Reckless

Endless

Insomnia

Silence is never really silence.

Lying under the sheets,

your body sweating from the heat,

you hear all the noises that fill the silence.

The hum of the computer,

The occasional squawks of the parrots,

The air passing through your lungs

Out your nose,

Anything to distract you from the darkness up ahead